An entire miserable day to convince myself to actually go and see the therapist. I have no clue what was(am) I so anxious about. The constant nagging and reminding myself why I need therapy in the first place. Constant anxiety racing through my system, and this urge to throw up. Taming the racing heart was the hardest part because seemed like it just pledged to go erratic at a very wrong time and make it more difficult than it already is.
So I just shut my mind and called a ricksha. 5 minutes later I was at health center which was a creepy looking building. Great. I went in and asked if there was any clinical psychologist available and the guard just asked me to talk to another woman and she told me the psychologist was on leave for 2 YEARS. I mean, WHAT EVEN…? Anyway the guard just said me to go to Ms. S who happened to be available at that time.
So after 15 minutes of standing outside the counsellor’s room and berating myself to hold it together, I finally barged in her room. What I saw was a timid female who reminded me of my mom’s old aunt (not sure I feel about it). She is sitting on a leather chair with a pile of paper stacked next to her. She looked at me and my heart did that flip-typie-eerie thingy, making my stomach churn.
The next question she asked me, “did someone send you or you come by yourself?” And I said, “I came all by myself,” and in that moment I realized it was so courageous, a moment of pride? Yayy. “See it wasn’t that bad,” I told my heart. She asked me my schedule and told me to come see her next week. Tuesday, 10am (let me just put that up in my calendar). She however striked me as a bit intimidating and it surely wasn’t anything like what they show in movies. Anyway, the little pet growling inside my chest managed to calm down completely the moment I stepped out of her “office.” Threat’s over boyy.
I still have a couple of days before I let anxiety take a hold of me again.But I am glad I went, and I am so hoping everything will turn out just fine. Right now, I feel happier, more chirpy a little positive I’ll get to spend rest of my day, high. Yeasss, but that if no one messes with me or I am pretty sure I’ll go ballistic and that I nor them can that afford right now.
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