I feel restlessness crawling up my bones. My hands, legs and every part of me is on a buzz. There’s nothing I can do to contain it, expect pull my hair, literally. The first reaction I usually get is, ”Wait, do you really pull out your hair?” and my response usually is, ”Wow! You really are a little piece of insensitive crap, aren’t you?” but I of course don’t say it out loud. Yes, I literally pull my hair out and this isn’t something I can control.
My thoughts become obsessed and I am forced by my brain to act on it. There’s a reason why Trichotillomania falls under the category of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It results in severe distress, distress leads to guilt, guilt to anxiety to trich to distress all over again. The guilt it follows is too much to handle. I couldn’t let the world see so I hide behind my trickery. I cover the bald patches on my head and no eyebrows. I cover it all up and pretend everything’s okay. I pretend so they don’t call me a freak.