”What is happening?” I ask myself but comes no reply. My conscious slips away and I lose the touch of reality. My body reacts in most severe ways and I no longer know what is real
The first it happened it just felt like a hot flash of anger. The second time was far far worse. It is terrifying when you feel it’s not you, when you hear a voice screaming on top of lungs but you couldn’t register it as your own, when you don’t remember half the stuff you said or did and you just break down right there, and the worst part is; no one gets it. What causes such an extreme reaction? There isn’t exactly a trigger, it just happens and it isn’t anybody’s fault. Psychosis itself is a terrifying experience and the guilt that follows is tremendous. From calm to ballistic to calm as sea in minutes, like a ticking time bomb. It isn’t your fault and it isn’t mine.
For some people it is hard to grasp the concepts around their head and when in the worst case scenario you do tell them you are psychotic, they look at you like you’re joking.
”You don’t look psychotic” they say.
Of course I don’t look psychotic. I am still confused at whether or not find the above statement offensive. Just because you’re functioning ”normal” does NOT mean you cannot be mentally ill.